Elian Of Cuba:
"THE TWIST OF RACISM"
Those of you who are frequent travelers may have seen this. As we know,
we see discrimination in some form or another almost every day and
often times it leaves a sour taste in our mouths.
The following story that I read on a local US Airway study shows us the
side of diversity that we are all working for. It is a pleasant twist
to see that there are some companies and individuals who face
discrimination head on, if only one small step at a time.
Enjoy reading the positive side of diversity.
On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged, well-off
white South African woman has found herself sitting next to a black man.
She called the cabin crew attendant over to complain about her seating.
"What seems to be the problem, Madam?" asked the white attendant.
"Can't you see? You've sat me next to a kaffir (the "N" word in S. A.). I
can't possibly sit next to this disgusting man. Find me another seat!"
"Please calm down, Madam," the stewardess replied. "the flight is very
full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do-I'll go and check to see if
we have any seats available in club or first class." The woman cocks
a snooty look at the outraged black man beside her (not to mention many
of the surrounding passengers).
A few minutes later, the stewardess returns with the good news, which
she delivers to the woman, who cannot help but look at the people around
her with a smug and self-satisfied look. "Madam, unfortunately, as I
suspected, economy is full. I've spoken to the cabin services
director, and club is also full. However, we do have one seat in first class."
Before the woman has a chance to answer, the stewardess continues..."It
is most extraordinary to make this kind of upgrade, however, and I have
had to get special permission from the captain. But given the
circumstance, the captain felt that it was outrageous that someone should be
forced to sit next to such an obnoxious person." With that, the
stewardess turned to the black man and said, "So if you'd like to get your
things, sir, I have your seat ready for you..."
Subject: Hit the Floor For anyone who didn't see David Letterman's take on this: (And it's a true story...)
On a recent weekend in Atlantic City, a woman won a
bucketful of quarters at a slot machine.
She took a break from the slots for dinner with her husband
in the hotel dining room. But first she wanted to stash the
quarters in her room."I'll be right back and we'll go to eat," she told her
husband and carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator.
As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two
men already aboard. Both were black. One of them was big,
very big... an intimidating figure. The woman froze. Her first thought was: These two are goingto rob me.
Her next thought was: Don't be a bigot, they look likeperfectly nice gentlemen.
But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized
her. She stood and stared at the two men. She felt anxious,
flustered and ashamed. She hoped they didn't read her mind,
but, they had to know what she was thinking!
Her hesitation about joining them in the elevator was all
too obvious now. Her face was flushed. She couldn't just
stand there, so with a mighty effort of will she picked up
one foot and stepped forward and followed with the other
foot and was on the elevator.
Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly and faced
the elevator doors as they closed. A second passed, and then
another second, and then another. Her fear increased! The
elevator didn't move. Panic consumed her. She thought,
"I'm trapped and about to be robbed!" Her heart plummeted.
Perspiration poured from every pore.Then one of the men said, "Hit the floor."
Instinct told her to do what they told her. The bucket of
quarters flew upwards as she threw out her arms and collapsed
on the elevator floor.
A shower of coins rained down on her. Take my money and spare
me, she prayed. More seconds passed.
She heard one of the men say politely, "Ma'am, if you'll
just tell us what floor you're going to, we'll push the button."
The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words out.
He was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh.
The woman lifted her head and looked up at the two men. They
reached down to help her up. Confused, she struggled to her feet.
"When I told my friend here to hit the floor," said the
average sized one, "I meant that he should hit the elevator
button for our floor. I didn't mean for you to hit the floor, ma'am."
He spoke genially.He bit his lip. It was obvious he was having a hard time not
laughing.The woman thought: What a spectacle I've made of
myself.
She was too humiliated to speak. She wanted to
blurt out an apology, but words failed her. How do you
apologize to two perfectly respectable gentlemen for
behaving as though they were going to rob you? She didn't know what to say.
The three of them gathered up the strewn quarters and
refilled her bucket. When the elevator arrived at her floor
they insisted on walking her to her room. She seemed a little
unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid she might not
make it down the corridor. At her door they bid her a good
evening. As slipped into her room she could hear them roaring
with laughter as they walked back to the elevator.
The woman brushed herself off. She pulled herself together
and went downstairs for dinner with her husband.
The next morning flowers were delivered to her room - adozen roses.
Attached to EACH rose was a crisp one hundred dollar bill.
The card said: "Thanks for the best laugh we've had in years."It was signed,
Eddie Murphy, Michael Jordan
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts
of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
the street with a bald head and a gut, and still think they are cute.
Got this from a friend, Enjoy!
By this time most of you should have already received your Census 2000
forms in the mail. There are several ethnicities listed on the form.
The black race needs to be counted. It is of the utmost importance.
Just in case you are not sure which category you belong in here are a
few helpful suggestions:
- If you have ever used a pressing comb...Check BLACK
- If you can name all of the characters on the show Good Times...Check BLACK
- If you have ever used a box relaxer or wave kit...Check BLACK
- If you are a white woman and only date black men...Check BLACK
- If you know what Fat Back and Hog Maws are...Check BLACK
- If all your pillow cases in your home have grease stains...Check BLACK
- If you sleep with a bag, wave cap, or do-rag on your head at night...Check BLACK
- If you can name 3 Al Green songs...Check BLACK
- If somebody in your family is called Big Mama...Check BLACK
- If there is a can of grease on the back of your stove...Check BLACK
- If your skin has ever been ashy and you know what the term means...Check BLACK
- If you eat greens more than 3 times a year...Check BLACK
- If you have ever used grease and water to make your hair lie down and
look naturally wavy...Check BLACK
- If you can wear a comb or pick in the back of your head, walk around,
and it doesn't fall outCheck BLACK
- If you have more than 2 piercings in your ear or wear a nose ring...Check BLACK
- If you have ever used a black eyeliner for a lip liner...Check BLACK
- If you know how to do the huck-a-buck, tootsie roll, or electric
slide...Check BLACK
- If you have ever used the phrase nah looky heyah, wachout there nah, or
sho nuff...Check BLACK
- If your hair is 2 or 3 inches and the next day it is half way down your
back...Check BLACK
- If you refer to anyone (family or friend) as Pookey or Boo...Check BLACK
- If when you shave, your face or neck bumps up...Check BLACK
- If you are a member of a church and all the choir songs are
choreographed...Check BLACK
- If you have ever used gel of Dax to hold your hair down or make a poney
tail...Check BLACK
- If your name is or rhymes with Shaniqua...Check BLACK
- If you have ever used duck tape or electrical tape to repair anything
in your house or car...Check BLACK
- If the screen door to your house has no screen or glass...Check BLACK
- If you understand ebonics or use it...Check BLACK
- If you have tape recorded music on you answering machine...Check BLACK
ADDITIONS:
- If you are a black man who ONLY dates non-black women......Check Black
- If you dress better on Fridays to go to work than you do on Mondays.......Check Black
- If you know the difference between "fat" and "phat".........Check Black
- If you are Asian and only date black people........Check Black
- If you have brown skin and kinky hair, yet have any
doubts about what to check because you have some "In-yinn in yo' famleee"............Check Black!
- If you have ever laughed at anybody because they need to use sun screen
and you don't..........Check Black
Erotic Typo:
When updating a document one day, I was supposed to type
"such as disk and tape...."
What I ended up typing was
"suck at dick and take...."
Tennis-fu (probably an urban legend):
From: guy_hung_lo@my-deja.com
Subject: Public Apology: Black Belt Master
Date: Sat, 26 Feb 2000 20:03:09 GMT
Organization: (omitted)
I would like to take this time to publicly apologize to all my
students,
fellow martial artists & the public in general. For the past five
years, I have been teaching at my own school in the art of Shotokan
Karate. I have trained many students, & sold them on the validity of
Shotokan to be effective in the most grave of situations. I noe, am
finally willing to admit, I have done far more harm than good, & I hope
people can one day find it in their heart to forgive me.
I started training many years ago, at the tender age of five at the
local Wu Shu Kung Fu Academy. I was enrolled for five years as my
parents felt it would be a good experience, both socially &
physically. Unfourtantly, the school went out of business & my martial
arts skills were put on hold. It was two years later, at the age of
12, that I was enrolled in the art of Shotokan Karte.
I loved my master & fellow students & have for the past 15 years
devoted my life to this beautiful art & it's teaching. I have had many
students & I hope that in some way they gained from my teachings
(spiritually & or emotionally). But I now am man enough to realize,
when it comes to teaching self defense, I have done far more harm than
good.
Throughout the years, lurking in the back of my mind, was a doubt as to
the actual effectiveness to the skills I teach. Would they really work
when it counted? Were the katas I instruct actually beneficially? Was
I really giving my students, who invested some much time & money in my
teachings, something of practical value? Or was it all bullshit?
The answer to this question has regrettably been answered by an
unfortunate, tragic event. Whenever one of my students would engage in
a street fight, they would often speak of their inability to make use
of what I teach. I would always show my genuine concern for their
safety & try to answer their concerns within the context of the
Shotokan Art. The problem in my mind could never come from Shotokan,
only from a mistake by the practioner, now I have tragically learned.
Two weeks ago, unbeknown to me, several of my students agreed to a
series of street fights with members of the local tennis team. Our
school is located across from a recreation center & somehow words were
exchanged & challenges were made for a series of fights to take place
at a predetermined area. The students & tenis players were pared off
based on size, age & strength. Had I been told, I would have
desperately discouraged the students fighting to defend the schools
honor, but there was no prior warning.
The tragic result was ten of my students (of various belt rankings
including six black belts) were brutally beaten & three are now
hospitalized. There are several lawsuits envolved & general misery all
atound. From all acounts, the tenis students, one by one, defeated my
students soundly & did not come out the worse for wear.
I apologize for giving my students a false sense of security in their
ability to handle violence. It is painfully obvious to me that
Shotokan Karate is not street effective & I will no longer promote it
as being so. It was my own ignorance & ego that caused me to
unwillingly accept its impotency in practical self defense & I will
forever regret my blindness.
A link to a Brazilian Internet Ad:
Special Sauce Blessing:
- The e-mail message read: "I was sitting at the drive thru window at McDonald's this weekend. I did the usual thing I drove up to the menu and ordered. I drove to the 1st window and paid, then drove to the second window and waited for my order. After waiting a few minutes the clerk opened the window and asked could I pull to the side because my order wasn't ready. I got a little upset and even impatient but I went over and waited. I was thinking how come other
folks ordered and drove straight through and I have to wait? I waited for
about another two or three minutes, but it seemed like hours, and the clerk
ran out, tapped on my window and gave me my order. Of course I asked, hey
what took so long? She replied, you wanted the SPECIAL SAUCE which meant it
had to be especially made for that sandwich, it doesn't usually come with
that one. This is our prayer life. We make our request to the Lord. Our menu is His word and He has listed promise after promise. We lay before Him and
request and plead and sometimes even beg. We go to the first window and we
pay, sometimes with fervent prayer, sometimes with prolonged suffering,
sometimes with obedience, and sometimes not at all. We then move to the
second window and we wait for our order. We even get upset if God doesn't
answer within a few minutes...Do you know why the Lord has put
you on the side? Do you know why you have had to wait for this blessing
longer than before? Because this blessing is a SPECIAL SAUCE BLESSING. This is an OVERFLOWING, PRESSED DOWN, SHAKEN TOGETHER, BLESSING!!! You made a SPECIAL ORDER and GOD has been putting together a SPECIAL SAUCE BLESSING for you and He has to prepare it just for you...hang in there...."
- My response was: "Well, I hope that the Lord can give me some extra
fries and an apple pie with my order, because man, I am really getting hungry! Plus, if God is flipping burgers, then man, we really are living in the last days."
School Daze:
SIGN READS: THE MARY KAY LETOURNEAU STORY, AN ALL-AMERICAN GIRL
Kind of speaks for itself:
For those of you who need an explanation: you've got a yuppy looking white girl, wearing a black/african (ghetto) type of hat that has a redneck symbol on it. Now if that is not funny, than I don't know what is!
From a rec-martial arts newsgroup:
- "I am a 13 year old male just getting involved in ju jitsu. I am afraid I
may have suffered an injury from my first time actually sparring. The other
night my instructor hab me spar with one of the older students, I was doing pretty good and got the guy in my guard. Thats when I felt a strange feeling in my stomach area and i had a discharge from my penis.
- "Not urine but a white milky substance. i told my teacher about it and he began acting concerned and told me that Ju Jutsu my not be the art for me....anyway I am thinking about going to a doctor. Anyone else ever had a similiar experience?"
From an email:
This has got to be the all-time classic comeback. This is an exact recount of US National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy scout Troop visiting his military installation.
- FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?"
- GENERAL REINWALD: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."
- FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"
- GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range."
- FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"
- GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how,....we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they even touch a firearm."
- FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."
- GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?"
The radio went silent and the interview ended.
Amish Gangstas? (CLICK HERE)
Error messages in EBONICS?????
Taken from a computer's output:
- 99%12344%20da%20footnote&softpage=xy_doc_top#JUMPDEST_11 320 da footnote
A Older Brother Breaks Things Down For Me:
- Older Brother: Hey, Brother come here!
- Me: Hey Mister, what's up?
- Older Brother: You see dat woman over dere puffin' on dat sea-garr?
- Me: Yeah, why?
- Older Brother: See the way she SUCKIN' on that thang?
- Me: Oh God! Yes! (She was puffing VERY hard).
- Older Brother: You know why she doin' dat?
- Me: No, why?
- Older Brother: 'Cause she sufferin' from Monica Lewinsky syndrome!!!
- At this point everyone in the gas station breaks out in hysterical laughter
Reminiscing:
- I remember my first love; the girl I dated at sixteen. Man, I tell you,
I really enjoyed being with her.
- Unfortunately, so did everybody else.
- Another woman I dated as an adult was really cool. Hanging out with her was great. She was just like one of the guys.
- She also was so manipulative and afraid of a commitment that she used me like I was a woman.
O.J. Brings Up Interracial Dating:
- A guy on the subway struck up a conversation about O.J. Simpson during the murder trial. He eventually segued into his own dating stories with white women. He said he had a brief stint with one of those black-acting, Ebonics speaking white girls. It didn't last very long because he kept getting pissed off every time she told him that he was "her nigga".
Bringing a Whole New Spin on "Method" Acting (as in crystal meth, maybe?)
I was bored one day in college, so I went over and watched the Theater Group rehearsing for a play.
- Assistant Drama Coach: Okay, now, this character is supposed to be HIGH. Okay?
- Student: Okay. Got it! (the student then stumbles around and goes through the lines. They were very funny, but I can't remember them.)
- Assistant Drama Coach: No! No! NOO! This guy is HIGH, not DRUNK. You're doing drunk! Don't ANY of you know what I'm talking about? Don't you know the DIFFERENCE?!
- Other students: Uh, no, uh, not really (rumbles, grumbles, all in the negative. People stratching their heads and mumbling, wondering what's the difference.)
- Assistant Drama Coach: God! Haven't ANY of you kids every gotten HIGH before? SOMEBODY help me out here? (the coach looks out at me as if I can help her out with this.)
- Students: No, uh, nope, (all grumblings in the negative--this was a group of well adjusted, clean-cut college students.)
- Me: Well, Ma'am, shouldn't you be GLAD that being high is something that they CAN'T perform by method acting? (the students laugh, and she cuts me a dirty look.)
- Editor's note: For those of you that don't know, method acting or method is "a system of acting in which a theatrical performer recalls emotions and reactions from past experience and utilizes them in the role being played"--per Webster's dictionary. Now, go back, re-read the joke, and if you GET IT this time, go 'head and laugh.)
O.J. and the Gunman: I couldn't have made up a better story myself, so I won't:
- LOS ANGELES (AP) - O.J. Simpson was slightly injured Tuesday when he struggled with a gunman, KCBS-TV reported.
- CREATIVE BROTHER'S EDITOR'S NOTE: I GUESS O.J. DECIDED TO TAKE A
S T A B AT BRINGING THE GUY IN!!!
- Simpson's hand was cut by the barrel of the gun during the afternoon incident, which took place in Griffith Park after he had played golf.
- The attacker ``came out with a gun and tried to get me to go with him and we wrastled,'' Simpson told the television station.
- Simpson also said he bit the assailant during the attack and then tried to chase him in his car. He was talking to Burbank police on his cellular phone at the time, but officers told him to end the chase, he said.
- Burbank police confirmed Simpson was at their station, but they referred all calls to Los Angeles police, who are handling the investigation.
- An LAPD spokesman did not have any information on the incident.
- CREATIVE BROTHER'S EDITOR'S NOTE: MAYBE O.J. WOULD HAVE DONE BETTER IF HE HAD A KNIFE ON HIM!!!!
I once heard a first hand account of how it felt to be a looter
in South Central during the Rodney King riots by a
former LA resident who sat next to me on the bus. She
also said that Rodney King was beaten up and/or hassled
daily by other residents who were annoyed by his
"Cain't we awl juss get a-lawng?" plea to the public.
Her attitude was "Why was they mad at us for lootin'?
Shih, we was just trying to help HIM out!!!"
A heated debate on the bus about Marion Barry:
pros, cons, and is he still the Savior of DC? Also,
comparing and contrasting the Mayor of DC with our
sex-crazed President. "Aw, they ain't doing nothing
that a man won't do!!"
A crack-head lookin' woman try to hit on me in the
store, while I'm looking for a Halloween costume for
my son, by pulling her T-shirt down and jiggling her
breasts at me from behind one of the aisles. This is
while my wife is not but a few feet away, staring in
shock. I just turned my head and pretended I was looking
at some Kleenex so I wouldn't laugh at the woman's
crack-head lookin' ass, hurt her feelings, and have to
pull out some of the TangSooDo.
One morning on the bus I overheard a man and a woman
talking about the PBS special "Africans in America" that
documents the Black experience in slavery and
reconstruction and shows a few snippets from today. The
man was talking about the show and the woman said
"Child, I can't watch that show. I work around too many
WHITE people. I might go to work and KILL somebody!!"
My wife and I discussed Bill Clinton's Impeachment
Delima:
- WIFE: Damn! I hate that Monica Lewinsky.
- ME: Yeah, okay. Why?
- WIFE: She's a fool! She's causing nothing but
trouble. She should have just kept her stupid MOUTH
shut!!!!
- ME: Yeah, I know. LITERALLY!!!!
From: USA TODAYMonday,February 8, 1999; A&E, and discussed on the
Russ Parr Morning Show:
- Mariah Carey was one of the first celebrities to comment on the death of
the King of Jordan. Mariah told CNN, "I'm inconsolable at the present time. I was a very good friend of Jordan, he was probably the greatest basketball player this country has ever seen, we will never see his like again".
- When told by reporters that it was King Hussein of Jordan who had died and not Michael Jordan, Mariah was then led away by her security in a state of "confusion."
A close encounter in my own mind:
- I was walking in the house on a Saturday night. I heard a jeep driving erractically down the block. Suddenly I heard the driver scream: "Stop! Hold
it! Stop!"
- I whirled around to see an angry driver with glaring eyes looking in my direction. I starting thinking Damn, this is it! I'm in for it now!
- The driver speed up towards my direction. He whipped his hand out of the window. With anger in his voice he yelled "You! You're the one! YOU'RE THE ONE!"
- I scanned around the area quickly, threw my hands out and prepared to dive behind my car. I looked at his hand to see where his gun may be pointing so that I could avoid the line of fire.
- Then, the driver held the object in his hand up to his head. What? I thought. Then I noticed the shape of the device in his hand. It was a cell phone. He skidded pass me, screeched his tires and zoomed around the block as he screamed into the phone "You're the one! IT'S YOU!!! YOU'RE THE ONE THAT NEEDS TO CHANGE!!!!"
- I sighed a sigh of paranoid relief. Then, I feared for the woman on the other end of the phone.
For those of you who listen to the Russ Parr Morning Show (I have a link to the website on my Links page under Hip Hop), you are familiar with his character "The Brother With The Limited Vocabulary". Well today, I ACTUALLY overheard a commentary on the street from A brother with a limited vocabulary. The topic of conversation was how big business sells us products that may be harmful to consumers:
- "Man, that stuff they do is just......bad.......and they gonna keep on doing......that......and it's just gonna get worser.......and worser.......and worser. Man, it's just.....bad."
