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What's the Dilly, Yo?
I know that this is not really a black topic, although black people do have relationships. I know it's not something that is going to bring about world peace, end hunger, or anything else for that matter. But, I feel that this is something that just has to be said; John Gray can kiss my ass.
Why? Because his writings are so full of feces that after reading a few of his books I can't stand the stench.
I'm not saying that what he writes isn't true, I'm just saying that he's a little too mamby-pamby---too soft in his approach. John dances and coos around the issues instead of saying what I think really needs to be said:
That's right. Being a man, I know how self-centered we are. We'd rather watch the game than listen to a woman babble on about how her day was. (I'm not a big football or basketball fan, so I waste my time on the net, doing karate, watching Anime and Manga, or glued to the Sci-Fi channel. And I'm supposedly one of the SENSITIVE ones!) Frankly, when we come home, we just want to sit down and watch some tv in peace. Period. No, we don't care whether or not that woman at the job is bad-mouthing you. Sex? Yes we want sex, any time any day. Three in the morning is not too early or too late, and your orgasm is your responsibility. Oh, and when you iron my clothes, don't put too much starch in my drawers.
Yes, women are crazy. Who wouldn't be, dealing with men? Women have to deal with men who want to remain little boys forever, never want to get married, see nothing wrong with sleeping with her friends and relatives, don't feel guilty about looking at naked women, hate to spend money, and hate to try anything new. And I don't know about you all, but I know if I had to bleed and cramp for three days out of the month, yet was still expected to act like nothing is wrong, I'd be taking out my frustrations on somebody!
Black women have it even worse because a lot of black men are unemployed, underemployed, in jail, or somebody's Baby Daddy. But white women have their share of grief too; once they hit 40, show a few wrinkles, or they gain a little weight, the white dudes don't want them any more. That old song "Baby Got Back" was NOT made by no white boy, okay? And the Asian women have to deal with being ultra-submissive if they are married to a traditional Asian man. Hell no, I would not trade places with a woman.
John Gray is too freakin' nice: "Men need to go into their cave" he says, and "Women communicate how they are feeling at the moment, not necessarily what they truly feel deep down inside." Bull. A better way to put it would be like this: Men want to be left the hell alone, and women what to say whatever they damn well please without being held accountable for it later. But I know why he has to dance around the truth; he has to sell books. And he is selling his books primarily to women. Therefore, if he wrote or said something a little too offensive at one of his conferences, the women would unite and slice off his manhood faster than you can say Larena Bobbitt.
Most of the people in his examples or that I imagine attend those types of events are men and women who need to get a grip. Nobody said that a relationship was going to be easy. The men appear to be too soft and the women are too clingy. Both of these are recipes for disaster. Also, the men that read those books are people who would have figured out what he is trying to tell them on there own. The women that I see reading his stuff on the subway look to me like they have either one, picked a bastard that doesn't give a damn about them or two, are suffocating thier man and just need to back off or shut up.
But John is never going to tell a woman she needs to shut up, or tell a man he needs to grow up. That goes against his Mister Rodgers, gentle image. Okay John, no problem, I will do it for you: Women, SHUT UP, and Men, GROW UP. Nuff said, nuff said, nuff said.
I have taken a few John Grayisms and translated them into my own blunt Ebonic English. I can do this because I am NOT making a living pimping the War Between The Sexes. See whether or not you agree or disagree:
JOHN GRAY SAYS: |
CREATIVE BROTHER'S TRANSLATION |
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Men need to go into their cave when they are upset. He needs time to sort through his feelings. He will return as a more loving person. |
Leave your man the hell alone when he is mad at you. He needs to go off to a place where he no longer hears you nagging and yelling at him. After he has forgotten what pissed him off in the first place, he will be back up in your face again, acting like nothing has happened, which will piss you off even more. |
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Men communicate information. Women communicate feelings. |
Men talk. Women ramble on and on for hours about whatever is on their minds to whomever happens to be sitting there at the time. |
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Men are hunters. Women are gatherers. |
Men are too lazy to shop around the store in order to find a good bargain. Women love shopping for the hell of it. |
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"A man's passion is driven by "the chase"-the opportunity to romance and pleasure you. If you take away his chase, you take away his passion. Let him do the pursuing. You're worth the chase." |
Look, stop sweating your man and give him some room to breathe. You are getting on his nerves. If I were him I'd be avoiding you to, Miss Clingy. |
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If you attempt to bother a man when he is in his cave, you may be bitten by the Dragon that guards the door. |
Leave your man the hell alone if he asks you to, or you two will at each other's throats again for hours. Guess what Baby, he CAN survive without you for ten seconds. |
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"After all, there is such a thing as love at first sight. In other words, it's not how far you go, it's with whom you go there. " |
Nigga, stopped being so pressed to hit the skins. She will give it up in her own good time. Now back off and give the woman some room to breathe. Damn, ain't you got nothing ELSE to do? |
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"There are many reasons why men and women stay in relationships that don't work." |
A lot of people are too cheap and lazy to get the divorce they damn well know they need. Since they realize that the grass ain't always greener, and they are not as fly as they used to be, they stay their butts at home with someone they know will put up with their garbage. |
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Men do not automatically realize that women generally need to feel loved and romanced before they can feel her hunger for sex. |
Yo, Playas, you got to pay to play. She is not going to give it up without you working for it, unless your game is super strong, or she is some kind of hoe-bag. So stop hounding her for the booty and show a little respect. |
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In a good relationship, great sex is the most powerful way to open a man's heart and help him to feel his love and express it to a woman. |
You do him right, girl, he ain't going NO-WHERE, you hear me???? |
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Women do not want a man to have discreet affairs to fulfill his sexual passion while they sacrifice their need passion in favor of maintaining the fami]y unit. |
Fellas, if she catches your ass out there tricking on her, consider yourself dead. |
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"Great sex softens a woman and opens her to experience the love in her heart and to remember her partner's love for her in a most definite way." |
You do it to her right, Yo, and she ain't going NO-WHERE, you hear me???? |
Despite my ribbing John Gray, I must say that I admire his ability to get paid. There is also one sad aspect of all of thus hoopla that I have to point out; the people that REALLY need to read his stuff and learn from him, like the women married to drunks, and the men married to hoes and pipe-heads, ARE NEVER GOING TO GO TO HIS SEMINAR OR PICK UP A BOOK.
Men can be from Mars, and women can be from Venus, but I say forget all that stuff. I am from Earth, and I'm living here until the day I die.
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