YOU K N O W YOU'RE A GHETTO MARTIAL ARTIST IF....
- Despite being up all night "gettin' your drink on" with your boys,
you still manage to fight in a tournament the next day and take home a
trophy in sparring
- You have to fight your teacher during your belt exam because he/she is
one of the few people in your organization who can beat you
- Your self taught combat style is named after a gun or an alcoholic
beverage
- You have ever practiced your techniques while high or drunk
- Your organization has to import another ghetto martial artist to
fight you during an exam because everyone else is afraid to fight you
- You watch "Dolemite" (Rudy Ray Moore) movies for inspiration
before a tournament
- You think that "sticky hands" and "sticky fingers" mean the same thing
- Your favorite tactic for escaping grappling holds is to simply
punch your attacker in the face
- You have ever snuck a punch in on your opponent while the referee
wasn't looking
- Your training has saved you from being hit by a Pathfinder or other
ghetto jeep
- You have ever picked your "lil' man" up from your "baby mama crib"
after practice
- Forms, one-steps, breaking demonstrations---these mean nothing
to you: you go to tournaments to fight!
- The only way you have EVER lost a match is through being disqualified
for "heavy contact" or lack of control
- You've just moved up to the adult class at your school and half of
the adults are afraid to spar with you
- You've just moved up to the adult class at your school and half of
the adults are afraid to spar with you, AND YOU'RE A GIRL
- You've just moved up to the adult class at your school and half of
the adults are afraid to spar with you, AND YOU'RE A GIRL AND YOU'RE
NAMED AFTER A COUNTRY OR A CONTINENT
- You've learned some combat applications for the cane from your
grandfather, and he's NEVER stepped foot inside a dojo
- You've learned some combat applications for the cane from your
GRANDMOTHER, and she's NEVER stepped foot inside a dojo
- You've used a pool stick as a weapon
- You've used pool balls as projectile weapons
- You know that a hot pot of grits is a particularly effective weapon
against a sleeping opponent
- You've USED a hot pot of grits as an effective weapon against a
sleeping opponent
- Your school is so tough that you all make the Klingons on Star
Trek look like "beeiiaaatchez"
- The six year olds in your school can take a kick in the stomach
from a grown man
- Your lil' man is six years old but has to work out with the ten year
olds because the other small children are afraid to spar him
- Your "baby girl" is six years old but has to work out with the ten year
olds because the other small children are afraid to spar her
- Your lil' man or baby girl is more afraid of "The Belt" than they
are of sparring
- YOU were more afraid of The Belt than sparring when you were a lil'
man or baby girl
- The first "black belt" you ever saw was the one your mother swung
at your but
- You have ever had to use your fighting skills on the Jerry
Springer Show
- You have ever had to use your fighting skills as a member of the
Jerry Springer audience
- You ARE Jerry Springer (the man has better dodging skills than
Muhammed Ali)
- You have ever fought a transvestite while you were on the Jerry Springer
Show
- You have ever fought a transvestite while you were on the Jerry Springer
Show NAMED BRITTANY
- YOU ARE BRITTANY
- You are a member of Jerry Springer's security staff
- You have ever been beaten up by a transvestite on the Jerry Springer
Show, AND YOU'RE A MAN
- You have ever gotten grappling moves and/or kata applications
from the Jerry Springer Show
- Your "baby moma" or "baby daddy" have been guests on the Jerry Springer
Show
- Your baby moma or baby daddy have used THEIR fighting skills on the
Jerry Springer Show
- Your MOTHER has used HER fighting skills on the Jerry Springer Show,
AND SHE FOUGHT WELL
- You have ever WON a fight against a transvestite while you were on
the Jerry Springer Show
- You have ever WON a fight against a transvestite while you were on
the Jerry Springer Show AND YOU'RE A WOMAN
- You have ever jumped another guest AFTER the Jerry Springer Show
- You have ever jumped another guest AFTER the Jerry Springer Show AND
YOU'RE A WOMAN
- You have ever fought a member of the Neo-Nazi's or Ku Klux Klan while
on the Jerry Springer Show
- You have ever fought a member of the Neo-Nazi's or Ku Klux Klan while
on the Jerry Springer Show OR ON GERALDO.
- YOU ARE GERALDO
Test for Ranking in Ghetto-Ryu:
THIS LISTING OFFERS NO TEST FOR RANKING AS A GHETTO STYLIST. IF YOU SEE YOURSELF IN ANY OF THESE EXAMPLES, YOU ARE DEFINITELY GHETTO, PARTICULARLY IF YOU HAVE FOUGHT ON ANY OF THE TALK SHOWS.
Again, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE BLACK OR LIVE IN THE 'HOOD TO BE
CONSIDERED A GHETTO MARTIAL ARTS.
Peace, love, and keep up your ghetto training!!!!!!!
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