YOU SHO' NUFF A GHETTO MARTIAL ARTIST IF....

• Instead of going to class one night, you worked on this ghetto-ass website
• You ever used a technique on a man while you were pregnant
• You were in no way phased by the racist threats on blacks during New Years because you plan on using your technique to "whip somebody ass if they start something"
• You stand with the bouncers at a club and watch people get beat up
• You, the karate kicking, tangsoodo, jujitsu, judo ghetto ass street fighting mo' fo', are the sensitive guy in your family
• The white boys in your class know what a phat ass is
• The white girls in your class have phat asses
• Your diction with Asian words is better than your diction with English ones, even though you are NOT Asian
• Even though you study a Japanese martial art, the only Asians you have ever met are the Koreans who own the dry-cleaners next door to your studio
• You ever hung up a wire hanger on a door hinge and used it to target your high kicks
• Despite gaining you black belt, you still have a hard time getting out of a head lock put on you by your grandmother
• They may grade you, outrank you, and teach you new techniques, but they are still scared to spar with you because you are too ghetto
• They may grade them, outrank them, and teach them new techniques, but they are still scared to spar with your because your students are too ghetto
• They may grade you, outrank you, and teach you new technique, but because are ghetto, they pick you or your students to represent your organization at high level, heavy contact competitions.
• Your wife drops you off at the tournament, your baby mama drops off your son at the tournament, and your girlfriend gives both of you a ride home
• More than one of your babies daddies show up to watch your children compete or test for their next belt
• Your instructor is one of your baby's daddy
• Your instructor is one of your baby's momma
• Your instructor THINKS he is your baby daddy, but he ain't. Huh, I wonders why dat is, Girl. Why dat is, uh?
• You have ever been reminded to remove your dew-rag before your belt exam
• Despite years of study in Asian martial arts and learning about Asian culture, you only feel comfortable hanging with Pakistanis, Indians, Okinawans, or Filipinos who act black.
• You, Mister or Mizz Ghetto, have ever been reminded to remove your dew-rag before your belt exam for your redneck, pickup driving master instructor
• You ever told a student of yours to "stop trippin'"
• Your instructor told you to "stop trippin'"
• Your instructor told you to "stop trippin'" and he or she IS NOT BLACK
• Instead of sounding like an Old China Man, your kungfu master sounds like the rapper Juvenille doing that song called Ha (You gone learn a new form, ha?/You better stop trippin', else I'm fittin' ta break your arm, ha?)
• You knew a Chinese person who acts black before your started studying a Chinese Martial Art
• Half of the people in your dojo/dojang/kwoon/gym date outside of there race
• You have a black guy in your class who used to date nothing but white women, then he turned around and married a black one
• The black guy in your class who used to date nothing but white women, then he turned around and married a black one IS YOU
• The black guy in your class who used to date nothing but white women, then turned around and married a black one makes web pages up about being a ghetto martial artist
• Said while finishing up a five-piece chicken special at Popeye's; "Damn, Sensei, I been doing this karate for a few years now, why come ain't I losing no weight?"
• One of your instructors ever said the following: "Yo, we got some phat honeys joining up in here for the next session, youknowhatI'msayin?"
• The white people in your class are more upset about the racist threats made on blacks for New Years than the black people are
• The one girl in your class who has braids is not black, and all the black girls have their hair straigthened
• You have ever killed a cockroach with a blind technique (note: if you can do that, than you are a Ghetto Martial Master)
• The people who run the rec center where your class trains don't believe you have become an assistant instructor with your new promotion, they think that you and "your boy", i.e., your sensei, sifu, sabunim, or master instructor, are merely trying to get you a "hook up" so that you don't have to pay
• Even though you study a Chinese martial art, the only Asians you have met are the Koreans who run the drycleaners next to your studio
• Even though you are about to get your black belt, you know you can't whip the guy sitting behind the desk at your rec center because he is more GHETTO than you are
• You have ever killed a cockroach with a one-finger strike
• For months you went around asking people in your class if they were being "niggardly" after the big incident in DC
• Every time one of the cool white boys in your class asked you if you were being "niggardly" after the big incident in DC you both broke down laughing
• You were one of the people in your class who still doesn't know what the word "niggardly" means, yet you are too ghetto to go look the word up in the dictionary. Yet, you can spit out several Asian terms for kicks, punches, and parts of the uniform with no problem
• You try to recruit parents into signing kids up for your class because it's "good for little niggaz to learn this stuff man"
• You stress that your classes teach "dissaplumm" (i.e., discipline)
• Your dew-rag matches your uniform
• When you trained, you had to deal with your teacher's Korean accent; when you train others, they have to deal with your Ebonic accent
• Your Korean instructor is dating a black woman and you are dating a Korean woman, yet you wonder how in the hell did he manage to be able to go out with a sister
• Instead of being called "Grasshopper" in your Kungfu fantasies, you are called "My Nigga"
• You are good at slipping and ducking because your older cousins used to smack you doing the "Oops Upside The Head" song that was popular during the 1970's.
• You have ever interrupted your meditation to kill a cockroach with a shoe
• You have ever interrupted your meditation to kill a cockroach with a punch or a chop
• You still use that shoe better than you do your empty hand technique
• You have ever used a move out of a form or kata to hide the joint that you were smoking from your wife
• You throw your upblock or upper-rising block the same way you toss up your forty-ounce
• You, an individual who was beaten with extension chords, broom stick handles, and plastic racing car tracks as a small child, wonder if you can stand the punishment of Uechi Ryu, Goju-Ryu, full-contact kickboxing, TangSooDo, Bando, or other hard-core martial arts
• The first time you broke a brick it was over somebody's head
• You learned how to cover up because you used to get punched on by your mother.
• Despite being punched around by your mother, you still think that you should take it easy on a woman when sparring her in class because females "can't rumble" as hard as males do
• You know that if your mammma saw you reading this stuff on the internet she'd smack you "upside the head"
• Your husband or wife goes into fits of laughter whenever they read these webpages because they remind him or her of YOU

REMEMBER FOLKS: YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE BLACK TO BE A GHETTO MARTIAL ARTIST

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