Instead of going to class one night, you worked on this
ghetto-ass website
You ever used a technique on a man while you were pregnant
You were in no way phased by the racist threats on blacks during
New Years because you plan on using your technique to "whip somebody
ass if they start something"
You stand with the bouncers at a club and watch people get beat up
You, the karate kicking, tangsoodo, jujitsu, judo ghetto ass
street fighting mo' fo', are the sensitive guy in your family
The white boys in your class know what a phat ass
is
The white girls in your class have phat asses
Your diction with Asian words is better than your
diction with English ones, even though you are NOT
Asian
Even though you study a Japanese martial art, the
only Asians you have ever met are the Koreans who
own the dry-cleaners next door to your studio
You ever hung up a wire hanger on a door hinge and used it to
target your high kicks
Despite gaining you black belt, you still have a hard time getting
out of a head lock put on you by your grandmother
They may grade you, outrank you, and teach you new techniques, but
they are still scared to spar with you because you are too ghetto
They may grade them, outrank them, and teach them new techniques, but
they are still scared to spar with your because your students are too
ghetto
They may grade you, outrank you, and teach you new technique, but
because are ghetto, they pick you or your students to represent your
organization at high level, heavy contact competitions.
Your wife drops you off at the tournament, your baby mama drops off
your son at the tournament, and your girlfriend gives both of you a ride
home
More than one of your babies daddies show up to watch your children
compete or test for their next belt
Your instructor is one of your baby's daddy
Your instructor is one of your baby's momma
Your instructor THINKS he is your baby daddy, but he ain't. Huh,
I wonders why dat is, Girl. Why dat is, uh?
You have ever been reminded to remove your dew-rag before your
belt exam
Despite years of study in Asian martial arts and
learning about Asian culture, you only feel comfortable
hanging with Pakistanis, Indians, Okinawans, or Filipinos who act black.
You, Mister or Mizz Ghetto, have ever been reminded to remove
your dew-rag before your belt exam for your redneck, pickup driving master instructor
You ever told a student of yours to "stop trippin'"
Your instructor told you to "stop trippin'"
Your instructor told you to "stop trippin'" and
he or she IS NOT BLACK
Instead of sounding like an Old China Man, your
kungfu master sounds like the rapper Juvenille doing
that song called Ha (You gone learn a new form,
ha?/You better stop trippin', else I'm fittin' ta break your arm, ha?)
You knew a Chinese person who acts black before
your started studying a Chinese Martial Art
Half of the people in your dojo/dojang/kwoon/gym
date outside of there race
You have a black guy in your class who used to date
nothing but white women, then he turned around and
married a black one
The black guy in your class who used to date
nothing but white women, then he turned around and
married a black one IS YOU
The black guy in your class who used to date
nothing but white women, then turned around and
married a black one makes web pages up about being a
ghetto martial artist
Said while finishing up a five-piece chicken special at Popeye's; "Damn, Sensei, I been doing this karate for
a few years now, why come ain't I losing no weight?"
One of your instructors ever said the following:
"Yo, we got some phat honeys joining up in here for the
next session, youknowhatI'msayin?"
The white people in your class are more upset about
the racist threats made on blacks for New Years than
the black people are
The one girl in your class who has braids is not
black, and all the black girls have their hair
straigthened
You have ever killed a cockroach with a blind
technique (note: if you can do that, than you are a
Ghetto Martial Master)
The people who run the rec center where your class
trains don't believe you have become an assistant
instructor with your new promotion, they think that you
and "your boy", i.e., your sensei, sifu, sabunim, or
master instructor, are merely trying to get you a "hook up" so that you don't have to pay
Even though you study a Chinese martial art, the only Asians you have met are the Koreans who run the drycleaners next to your studio
Even though you are about to get your black belt,
you know you can't whip the guy sitting behind the desk
at your rec center because he is more GHETTO than you
are
You have ever killed a cockroach with a one-finger
strike
For months you went around asking people in your
class if they were being "niggardly" after the big
incident in DC
Every time one of the cool white boys in your class
asked you if you were being "niggardly" after the big
incident in DC you both broke down laughing
You were one of the people in your class who still
doesn't know what the word "niggardly" means, yet you
are too ghetto to go look the word up in the dictionary.
Yet, you can spit out several Asian terms for kicks,
punches, and parts of the uniform with no problem
You try to recruit parents into signing kids up for
your class because it's "good for little niggaz to
learn this stuff man"
You stress that your classes teach "dissaplumm"
(i.e., discipline)
Your dew-rag matches your uniform
When you trained, you had to deal with your teacher's Korean accent; when you train others, they have to deal with your Ebonic accent
Your Korean instructor is dating a black woman and
you are dating a Korean woman, yet you wonder how in the
hell did he manage to be able to go out with a sister
Instead of being called "Grasshopper" in your
Kungfu fantasies, you are called "My Nigga"
You are good at slipping and ducking because your
older cousins used to smack you doing the "Oops Upside The Head" song that was popular during the 1970's.
You have ever interrupted your meditation to
kill a cockroach with a shoe
You have ever interrupted your meditation to kill a
cockroach with a punch or a chop
You still use that shoe better than you do your
empty hand technique
You have ever used a move out of a form or kata
to hide the joint that you were smoking from your
wife
You throw your upblock or upper-rising block the
same way you toss up your forty-ounce
You, an individual who was beaten with extension
chords, broom stick handles, and plastic racing car
tracks as a small child, wonder if you can stand the punishment of Uechi Ryu, Goju-Ryu, full-contact kickboxing, TangSooDo, Bando, or other hard-core martial arts
The first time you broke a brick it was over
somebody's head
You learned how to cover up because you used to get
punched on by your mother.
Despite being punched around by your mother, you still think that you should take it easy on a woman when sparring her in class because females "can't rumble" as
hard as males do
You know that if your mammma saw you reading this stuff on the internet she'd smack you "upside the head"
Your husband or wife goes into fits of laughter whenever they read these webpages because they remind him or her of YOU
REMEMBER FOLKS: YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE BLACK TO BE A GHETTO MARTIAL ARTIST
